We’ve all been there: something happens and you feel like you just HAVE to say something. However, common sense and the manners your mother pounded into you during your childhood keep your lips planted together and those thoughts remain inside your head.
As I talk to a lot of REALTORS, they share with me things they’ve often wanted to say to sellers but never had the guts to do so. But deep inside they felt they really SHOULD have said something. And so … since they won’t say those things out loud, I will!
Here are the top 15 things listing agents want to say to sellers, but won’t …
And I didn’t make ANY of this up. I also know that one or two of these things may offend someone, so please accept my apologies right up front!
1. “I know it’s hard to believe, but as professional Realtors, we actually do know more about selling your house than you do.”
You might be an engineer, doctor, lawyer or tribal chieftain … but as a licensed, highly trained full-time REALTOR, we do this all day long every day. And just like we’d never presume to tell you how to do your job, we REALLY don’t like it when you presume to know more about selling houses than we do.
2. “You have a nice house, but it’s not anything really special.”
We know you live there and have your emotions tied to your home, but as Realtors, we see hundreds and hundreds of homes every year and trust me, yours is … ok. There is absolutely no reason it should be priced higher than other comparable homes in the area. None. Zip. Nadda. In fact, if you want it to sell in the current market, it should actually be priced a bit LESS …
3. “Your upgrades don’t deserve the extra amount you want added to the price.”
We’re glad you’ve added crown molding everywhere. And paid for Ralph Lauren suede paint. And new carpet. Your new toilet seats are great. And we’re really glad you sanded out the dog pee stains in the hardwood floors and refinished them. However, none of your upgrades add a single penny’s value to your home. In the new economy, new windows, nice flooring and a newish roof should be considered standard. Buyers today demand a whole lot more before they are willing to start paying premium prices. They expect designer kitchens with custom cherry cabinets, recessed halogen lighting, new upscale appliances, solid granite counters and more. They want totally upgraded baths with Jacuzzi tubs, tumbled marble, frameless glass doors. And so on …
4. “I know what you think your house is worth.”
Now get real! The seller doesn’t set the price, the market does. And the simple truth is that lower priced homes sell while higher prices homes sit and sit and sit. Sorry. And I truly AM empathetic that you bought your home in 2005 or 2006. At the top of the market. Please remember that I own a house too and my property value has also gone into the toilet …
5. “I’m glad you collect things. We’re selling your house, not your stuff.”
You’re moving anyway, pack all your collections away. Now. And the talking fish needs to be the first thing off the wall and in a box …
6. “Agents are willing to do open houses because they get prospective buyers – who want to buy somebody else’s house, not yours.”
Open houses REALLY are not an effective way to sell your home. Even though they sometimes work, they are the least effective way of getting the job done. Trust us. See point #1 above.
7. “We have some issues with your decorating …”
The Caltrans orange room has to be repainted. And the lime green one. While you are at it, get the midnight blue room as well. Whatever were you thinking? Did you scrounge through the “ooops” bin at Home Depot? It’s nice that you have wallpaper from 1978. Please remove it and repaint the wall. And whatever you do, DON’T paint over it …
8. “I really don’t want to get intimate with your dog.”
I especially don’t like what he’s doing to my leg. And the smell in here is really bad. Please keep Fido in the garage during the time you are selling your home. And the doggy bombs in the back yard gotta go as well.
9. “I will not be responsible for your cat.”
If you are concerned it will bolt out the door when prospective buyers arrive, then please keep Fluffy in a Kitty Crate while you are gone.
10. “Don’t put up ANY roadblocks that may keep sellers out.”
Don’t even THINK about showing your home by “appointment only.” Don’t want a lock box? Trust me, your stuff isn’t that valuable. Don’t want buyers after 5:00 p.m. at night? You’re kidding, right? If a buyer can't get in when it works for them, they are gone.
11. “Prospective Buyers DO NOT want you to give them a tour of your home.”
They actually want you out of the house … so resist the urge to be a tour guide and go for a walk around the block. They’ll find out on their own that you’ve carefully lined the cupboards with new floral shelf liners and put a new TP holder in the master bath.
12. “STOP SMOKING IN YOUR HOUSE!!”
Especially the pot …
13. When a Realtor calls to let you know they’re coming at 11:00 a.m., rings your door bell, knocks VERY loudly, opens your front door and yells, “HELLO, REALTOR,” …
Please get out of bed BEFORE we get to your bedroom … and put some clothes on when you do …
14. What is that smell???
Whatever it is… it’s gotta go … and please don’t cook with curry until you are in your new home … or fry fish right before people come to see your home …
15. “We’re worth our commission.”
Every penny of it. Selling a house is actually hard work. And, for those of us who market extensively, it costs a lot of money that we pay out of pocket up front. You really do get what you pay for. In the same way you’re not going to be able to buy a Honda at a Daewoo or Suzuki dealership, you are not going to get full support, service and top-notch professional representation at bargain basement prices. There’s a very good reason many discount brokerages are going out of business in the current economy. Anyone who is willing to take a cut-rate commission structure is simply not going to be able to make enough off your listing to do the types of advertising necessary to get you top dollar. And since you are competing against REOs and Short Sales, if you go cheap, you will lose every time.
Well … there they are – I've probably managed to offend everyone! I know you will have some of your own to add ... please, be my guest!
December 12, 2009
We are asking all our members, especially the women, to BE CAREFUL and NEVER MEET SOMEONE ALONE AT A VACANT OR UNOCCUPIED HOME. It might also be wise to avoid advertising any property as vacant, even if it is vacant.
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